Guest Post By Fi Morrison
New Mum Anxiety
Becoming a mother has been the best thing I have ever done, and it has changed my life in ways I couldn’t ever have imagined. But it has also been a difficult road to travel. It has taken a lot of angst and worry to get me to where I am today with my 8 month old. Amanda asked if I would share my story, and I hope it can help just one mum in some way know that she isn’t alone.
Struggling with Anxiety
I don’t remember much of my childhood or growing up through adolescence – I have a pretty horrible memory like that. However, for much of my adult life I do remember struggling with anxiety. I have never been diagnosed with anxiety, but I know I am more anxious and worrisome than most. I particularly recall one day walking to a childcare center as part of my practicum for my studies, and thinking about how much I didn’t want to be there. I remember thinking that I started to feel sick, that I was struggling to breath and I needed to calm down. It got so bad I ended up calling the center to say that I was sick, and turning back around to walk to the bus stop and catch a bus home (I was literally around the corner from the center when this happened!). This was my first experience of what I’d know later to be a panic attack.
‘This was my first experience of what I’d know later to be a panic attack’
I’m fortunate enough to not have encountered panic attacks too often. My anxiety generally manifests in a deep sense of stress and worry about certain situations. From what I can ascertain, my triggers for deep anxiety have been: • Being late anywhere; • Driving somewhere I’m unfamiliar with (and particularly PARKING somewhere I don’t know that the parking situation is like – as I’m not 100% confident in my driving skills); • Attending an event or going somewhere where I know absolutely no-one; • Leaving my husband – and now my son – behind (e.g. Going to Fiji for 3 weeks during my university studies as a part of teaching). What is particularly difficult for me with anxiety is that I generally WANT to do things that provoke anxiousness in me. I WANT to go out and socialize, meet new people and network (as I’ll explain more below). I WANT to take on new opportunities and experiences. But sometimes, it is easier said than done.
Anxiety as a New Mum
“I don’t think I truly acknowledged – or accepted – that I had “anxiety” until I became a mum. That is when it has particularly struck home for me.”
The beginning days were all a bit of a blur really (aren’t they just??). I hit my third day baby blues right on schedule, messaging hubby at 5.30 Friday morning in tears asking him to come back to the hospital to take our son. As I found out later that day, this was completely normal. No need to worry (Phew! I remember thinking). The first few weeks dragged on, a daze of breastfeeding, pooey nappies, and sleep deprivation. I remember us struggling to eat because we had no time; and being grateful for friends who came over with prepared meals and actually ate with us, ensuring we had eaten for the day. My husband was off work for almost a month, and we moved from our unit to our brand new house within that time (what were we thinking?!). And then it was time for him to return to work.
I was extremely anxious about being left alone with our son – because that is a HUGE responsibility isn’t it?! – so I took the first couple of weeks slow. I didn’t go out much, just focused on each block of time, one day at a time.
One thing I have forgotten to mention up until this point, is that my son is a LOUD baby (like his mumma!). He has a well-developed set of lungs, which received comments even while we were in the hospital; we would have our door closed, and passers-by in the hallway would comment “Check out the lungs on that kid?” (yes, we could hear their comments in the room!). His cry would sound like excessively loud screaming, and it was another trigger for huge anxiety to add to my list.
Around the 6-12 week mark, my son hit – what I found again to be a ‘normal’ stage – a fussy period. He would scream at the drop of a hat, particularly if he was tired – which was a LOT. This usually also coincided with trying to leave the house, like going to our mother’s group sessions with the local Health Care Nurses. It got so bad that I actually stopped leaving the house. I would cancel plans at the last minute because my anxiety would strike and I was petrified to leave home. I just knew he’d have a meltdown once we left home, so I refused to take him out. This lasted for almost 2 months. I was highly anxious, extremely upset and felt utterly alone.
Getting through the Anxiety
I have to admit straight up, that I still didn’t fully recognise this as anxiety at that point. It is only in hindsight that I realised what was going on, and that maybe I should have sought more help. When I would go for my son’s check-ups with the Health Care Nurses, I would appear happy and peachy with life, even though I didn’t cope in those early days very well.
There are two key factors that helped me to get through the anxiety – the first, by pure fortune, was that my son came out of the fussy period and is now a completely different baby. He is constantly happy, can be awake for hours on end, hardly whinges and enjoys going out and about. I feel comfortable leaving the house (for the most part, I occasionally feel anxious) and taking him to places because I know he will be alright. For me, I was very lucky that he got through that stage and I could relax a bit.
However, the BIG key for me was my sense of community and support networks. My mum tribe was the biggest encouragement to get through my anxiety. They didn’t mind if I cancelled at the last minute – they eagerly invited me out on multiple occasions to catch up, grab a coffee, and to share the moments of fussy babies. I had mum friends offer to hold my son to give me 5 minutes to drink my tea HOT. They offered to take him and help him to get to sleep. They offered to come over and hang out with me in my house because I was petrified to leave. With my mum tribe, I didn’t have to pretend that I was okay – they understood my worries and met me where I was at.
“It made a world of difference knowing I wasn’t alone or going through these experiences by myself”
I urge all new mums to get connected with the mum tribe, whether it is through your local mother’s group, Babes + Picnics group, Playgroup or local library activities. It will make a huge difference in your mental health and your journey as a new mum.
Thankyou For Sharing your story with us Fi!
Fi Morrison is a wife and first time mum to her adorable boy whom they like to call ‘Starfish’. Fi recently started a Blog to document her life with her son, experiences with motherhood and to support new and perspective mums in their motherhood journey. She also recently started her own new business called ‘starfish creations’.
To learn more about Fi please visit the links provided below.
http://www.mummamorrison.com/
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Photo Credits: Janelle Keys Photography
If you have a personal story with anxiety that you would like to share please email me at amanda@theanxietywellnessqueen.com
