Self-care is a topic I am very passionate about because I feel it’s an essential part of our overall wellness, something that may change from day to day based on our needs and something that I think comes across very stereotypical at times which as a result loses the impact of its importance.
Last week I invited the fabulous Louise East from @moretomum to join me on an Insta Live to chat in more detail about Self-Care. We chatted about What it is? Why it is important? We share some Self-Care practices that we enjoy doing and also discuss some common misconceptions. I was really hoping to save the LIVE and upload it on to IGTV although for some reason I wasn’t given the option, so I thought I would create a blog post for you to refer back to in-case you missed it!
Before I start there is a little something I have been thinking about and wanted to share with you. Recently I have seen a few posts and articles about self-care. These posts have been talking about how self-care is not the ‘answer’ or ‘enough’ to ‘fix’ or ‘solve’ some deeper and more specific issues that women all over the world are experiencing. These things include burnout, overwhelm, months of sleep deprivation, mental health, emotional well-being etc. I do agree with what these articles and posts are trying to say… to an extent. But I also disagree in MANY ways. Let me explain why in a moment, but first…
Not only is this becoming confusing to women it is also taking the idea and concept of self-care out of context and away from its true meaning of ‘taking care of ourselves’. Taking care of YOU can look so different each and every day based on your needs and expectations in that moment. Self-Care addresses your physical, emotional and spiritual needs and its essentially about creating a regular practice that you can incorporate into your everyday life. When it comes to these posts that I mentioned…
I do agree that..
– Yes, Self-care ALONE will not ‘Erase’ ‘Fix’ ‘Solve’ any of those things.
My view differs because I believe that..
– Self-care ALONE is NOT designed to ‘Erase’ ‘Fix’ ‘Solve’ any of those things. Either is Mindfulness, Gratitude, Nutrition, Mindset work etc.. All of these things need to work hand in hand TOGETHER (alongside whatever else is necessary) to make the changes in your life. I talk about this regularly when working with my clients. When it comes to anxiety or any mental health issue you are faced with no ONE thing alone will do the job. I am so mindful about creating a holistic approach that includes a number of things that work together in order to achieve those long-lasting results. In this case it’s no different.
– Self-Care is not only about day spas and shopping trips. Self-care is about CARING for you. We will share lots of tips below on how you can practice Self-care in your life but it includes things like going to the Dr for that check-up or blood test, saying No, taking time out for you, prepping some healthy snacks, listening to a meditation, stretching, seeking help and support from a therapist etc..
– Self-Care is an essential part of our physical, mental and emotional well-being.
– I really feel the difference within myself when I skip some of my practices during the day. How do you feel when you don’t include a practice (or 2, or 10 😉) in your day?
Louise and I really wanted to do this Live to share with you all HOW self-care can create a positive impact in your life. I have decided to follow the Q&A style that we did in our LIVE to make it a little easier to follow and refer back to the questions.
What is the Importance of practicing Self-Care?
Lousie: Self-Care is all about long term wellness! It is something we can neglect for a short period of time, ALTHOUGH if we continue, our needs and our overall wellbeing will definitely suffer in the long term! Self Care is not just about us as a person because a happy, healthy person/woman/mum makes for a happy, healthy family/workplace/environment. When we look after ourselves WELL, we are able to be more tolerant, affectionate, playful, loving, compassionate, present and patient. We also teach our children HOW to look after their own wellbeing.
Amanda: YESSSSS!!! I totally agree with Louise and I have also seen the changes in my life when I neglect to practice self-care for a long period of time. It is also so important for us to model to our children how we cope when we are feeling a little ‘under the weather’ Because children really learn by example, they are constantly watching us, what we do and how we respond so I am nodding my head in agreeance here. Louise really emphasizes the fact that when we look after ourselves, it allows us to continue to give our best to our loved ones. I feel that’s ultimately what we are all striving for, to show up the best way we know how.
I often hear that people are “Too Busy” or “don’t have time” to practice Self-Care. What are some ways they can include it in their lives especially if they have such a busy schedule?
Louise and I both agree that this is one of the most common responses that we hear when working with clients (especially mums) and we get it, we are both mums and we know it is constant 24/7. Louise shares some great, practical suggestions below:
– Start really small and manageable. The effects of self-care are cumulative so lots of little investments in your personal self-care does add up to positively impact your wellbeing.
– Look for opportunities to practice self-care that may only take a few minutes (for instance you could spend 5 min stretching before bed, take 3 deep breaths, spend 2 minutes outdoors enjoying the sun and taking note of what that might feel like on your skin).
– You can ADD self-care to things you ALREADY do (such as hanging washing mindfully, eating breakfast with the kids instead of watching them eat, diffuse your favourite essential oils throughout the day).
– You can IMPROVE something you are ALREADY doing, (for example, reaching for a healthier snack, less multitasking and focusing more on each task and doing it mindfully, walk to the store instead of driving).
– Self-care is also about what you DON’T do just as much as it is about what you actually DO. So, for example you may like to try actually removing things off your To-Do List. This helps make things feel less overwhelming. You could also share, delegate and postpone tasks that are not high on your priority list.
I love all of these suggestions by Louise! Which ones do you think you can incorporate in your day or week?
What are some of your favourite ways to practice Self-Care?
Louise: I have so many! I don’t do them all, all the time but I change what I do based on what I need. Some examples are..
– Eating regularly and eating a rainbow everyday to nourish my body.
– Drinking strong black hot tea.
– Running 3 times a week.
– Using essential oils to support my wellbeing.
– Spending 15 min tidying the house every night before I go to bed, so I can start the next day fresh.
– Making my bed every day.
– Keeping connected with my friends and family.
Amanda: Louise and I definitely have a few in common! Some of my favourites include (although not limited to):
– Opening the blinds in the house when I wake up in the morning.
– Diffusing and applying my favourite essential oils (these changes daily based on what I feel I need) I use immune support oils each and every day as well.
– My skincare routine morning and night has been a huge part of my Self-Care and looking after myself.
– I LOVE and feel like I absolutely need some time to myself each day, often it ends up being in the evenings or when my son is having a nap. This alone time helps me to recharge and re-energise. Sometimes I just sit there and chill out, watch Netflix, make a tea or coffee whatever it may be.
– Cooking or baking. I find it so therapeutic! I often also include Luca when I’m baking, he absolutely loves it!
– Guided Meditation practices (I love using Insight Timer)
– I have been doing regular acupuncture and remedial massage recently and loving it.
Obviously, I don’t do all of these each day. But I do at least 1 or 2. I also have so many more on my list!! They change regularly based on my needs at the time.
Self-Care is not a One Size Fits All kind of thing. What are some tips on how we can identify what works for us?
Louise: My number 1 tip for when people are trying to make self-care work for them is to ensure that they make it really purposeful! That means to identify what you need the most right now. This is important because your needs can change, and so should your self-care practices. When you know what your greatest need or needs are in terms of your wellbeing, you can focus your limited time and attention on meeting that need (It’s important to tune into what you need on a regular basis).
Also, don’t compare your selfcare to anyone else’s. Their needs are different, and so is their selfcare. Be flexible because in motherhood and in life things don’t always go according to plan. For example, If you dont get enough time to get to the gym for an hour, go for a 15 min walk instead. Don’t just give up. Expect that you will need to be flexible and then it wont feel like a failure. Remember regular, small investments in your wellbeing add up to a bigger impact!
Amanda: These are all really great points! I’m glad Louise talks about the importance of checking in with yourself and identifying what your needs are right now. A question that I encourage my clients to ask themselves each morning is “How can I best take care of myself today?” This question is so important because it will help you identify what your needs and wants are in that moment.
There are so many misconceptions when it comes to Self-Care. I put a question box up and asked you guys
‘what are some of the misconceptions that you have or heard when it comes to self-care’
These are the most common ones that came up, so I thought we would share some of our thoughts on these common myths and beliefs.
“Self-Care is a luxury and I don’t have time/takes too long”
Louise: Self Care is essential to help you have long term wellness. Self-care doesn’t need to take long at all (we have definitely covered this above)
Amanda: I can see where people are coming from with this statement because it can be overwhelming thinking about implementing another practice into a already hectic lifestyle. Although as Louise mentioned there are so many ways to include it in your day that a) doesn’t take long and b) it could be changing up something you are already doing. I find that self-care is even more needed when I have a busy schedule.
“Self-care is only for women”
Louise: Self Care is for everyone! I think perhaps this myth comes about because a lot of the examples and stereotypes of self-care are “feminine” or things that women typically enjoy. However, this is not definitive.
Amanda: Totally agree with Louise!
“We have to earn the right to practice Self-Care”
Louise: I think it is useful to think about self-care in terms of wellness here. If you think you don’t have the right to practice self-care, try saying this “I don’t have the right to be well”. How does that feel? We all have the right to self-care, because we exist. I understand that this could mean that mums think they need to care for everyone else first, or that they aren’t working hard enough to deserve self-care. Firstly, I don’t know any normal, well intentional mum (stay at home, work from home or in paid employment), who isn’t working hard, Secondly, you can look after yourself while you look after others, it will help you look after others better and in a sustained manner.
Amanda: Yes!! I love the question paraphrased. It helps us look at the concept in a different way. We all absolutely have the right and deserve to be well.
“Not everyone needs it”
Louise: We all need to be well. If you think this, you may be actually practicing self-care, but you don’t see those things as self-care. For example, you may play sport or socialise for fun, but that can also be self-care. You may go to bed early because you love your bed but resting when you need it and having time to yourself is also self-care.
Amanda: Everyone definitely needs it! It may look different for each and every one and that’s ok. Sometimes asking our self the question “what am I currently doing to take care of myself” and write a little list helps you become more mindful and aware of your current practices. We do so much on autopilot so doing those same things mindfully is also self-care!
“When I practice Self-Care, it means I am making a choice between myself and others”
Louise: Self-Care benefits you and the people you care for. Its not “me first”, its “me too”. Some people may think this way because they think they need to be alone to practice self-care. There are plenty of self-care activities that you can do that involve your kids and partner. For example, family movie night, date night with your partner, exercising together, getting outside, eating well, having an early night together, connecting in general!
Amanda: This is a HUGEEEEE one! It falls under the ‘I don’t have enough time’ which is the reason that many might think it needs to be practiced alone. I love doing activities with my son, we bake together we do crafts, have breakfast outside, we put music on and have a dance (Louise those 3 things are definitely our ideal day with our boys!! Lol).
“I can’t afford self-care”
Louise: There are many self-care activities that are free! We have mentioned many here. Some other examples are : Having a nice hot shower, reading a book, meditation, deep breathing, going outside and standing on the grass in bare feet, mindfulness, stretching, exercise, doing less, saying no to demands on your time that are not important, creating a budget (actually could save you money!!), dancing in your lounge room, listening to your favourite music, playing a board game with your family, calling someone you love, having a cup of tea.
Amanda: To be honest whilst I do love a nice day out. The majority of my self-care practices don’t cost a cent! Yep! $O! Louise has lots of great suggestions!
“I’m never alone”
Louise: There are plenty of activities you can do with others (see answers in previous question). Also, if you are caring for children all day, you could sit in the same room with them and sit quietly for 2 min, do some deep breathing, meditation, reading, having a cup of tea, etc.. ) Or take them out in the garden so you can get some fresh air and sunshine. Connecting and relating to others can also be self-care.
“Self-care is Selfish and Indulgent”
Louise: Being well is not an indulgence. Self-Care benefits your family as well as you. You can practice self-care in ways that can fit in with your situation and life.
Amanda: Personally, I need self-care in order to function and show up as the best person I can be!
“I need to do it right”
Louise: There is no right way to practice self-care. Our needs are different, our lives are different, our family situations and personal preferences are different. For Example, taking a bath is one of the most prolific stereotypes of self-care. I actually can’t stand taking a bath. I get bored quickly and feel cold quickly. SO that’s not going to be self-care for me. As long as we are addressing our own wellbeing needs, we don’t need to worry about what everyone else is doing, unless we’re using it for inspiration and ideas of what’s possible.
Amanda: Definitely no right or wrong when it comes to self-care. Its all about experimenting and finding out what works for you. You don’t have to like doing what others are doing which is what gives people the impression that they must do it a certain way or that it has to look a certain way. This is the perfect example because I wouldn’t say NO to a nice warm bath, I find it relaxing, me time, I use some nice Epsom salts and essential oils which feels very therapeutic. We are all allowed to like and enjoy different things.
“Self-Care should feel amazing”
Louise: Sometimes the things we need for our wellbeing, don’t feel amazing at first (or maybe at all). For example, some people may not enjoy creating and sticking to a budget, despite the fact that it could save them money and reduce financial stress in their household. Starting a new bootcamp may cause you physical pain at first but it will improve your fitness in the longer term.
Amanda: Self-Care is not necessary about what feels amazing in that moment, sometimes its what we need. Seeking help and therapy doesn’t feel good initially, usually people are out of their comfort zone and may feel nervous about the process.
Self-Care is an important part of maintaining a healthy relationship with yourself and those around you! Regardless of what type of practice you enjoy, what time of the day and HOW you incorporate it into your life it IS an essential part of our overall physical, emotional and mental wellbeing. A really good way to start is by creating a SELF CARE LIST that you can write down 5-10 things that you enjoy. You can refer back to that list each day when you are feeling ‘stuck’ or unsure about what to or how you feel.
I encourage you to ask yourself this question each morning and just listen to the signs your body is sending you..
“How can I best take care of myself today?”
Thankyou for reading this Post by Louise and I. We hope you found it helpful and took something valuable away from it. I would love for you to share some of your favourite Self-Care practices in the comments sections below!
You can find (and learn more about) Louise East here:
Website: https://www.moretomum.com.au/
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/moretomum/
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/moretomum/
Much Love
Amanda Cavallaro
