‘When little people are overwhelmed by big emotions, it’s our job to share our calm, not to join their chaos.’ – L.R. Knoost

It’s always tricky to know what to do when you experience Anxiety. Do you rush to the hospital because you feel like your heart is about to beat out of your chest? Do you just stay home and avoid everything and everyone? Do you talk about it with your friends and family? Will they even understand??? Do you see a Dr? Do you take medication? Do you go online and google? (Please don’t go to Dr. Google!!) The whirlwind of thoughts can be worrying, scary and destructive. Some days you feel like you can cope and you have it under wraps and other days you feel like your world is falling apart.

Have you ever wondered how your anxiety may impact your children? Or even how your child’s fears and anxiety could impact you? These are topics I recently chatted about as a guest on Empowering Parents TV, Hosted by Nicole Ivens (Click Here to watch the replay). It was a topic that elicited a lot of interest, so I thought I would write a post about it, share some of the questions we discussed and explain it all in more detail!

What do I do when I start feeling anxious around my kids?

A question I get asked fairly often is what to do when you start feeling anxious around your kids. I think for me the most important thing here is not so much around displaying stress and anxiety around your kids, but more so about how you then RESPOND to those anxious and stressful situations.

It is super important for our children to become familiar with a variety of feelings and emotions. Learning how to identify them, feel them and how to respond to them is crucial in their own development and future mental health and wellness. As we know our kids learn by example, they mimic ALOT of our actions, behaviours and emotions. I am really starting to notice that now with Luca who is nearly 3 years old, he is definitely a lot more cluey than we think!! (Just keep in mind that kids are not only observing feelings and emotions but they are also taking note of your body language and your energy).

Interestingly, a few studies have shown that kids also take on a lot of the same fears and obsessive traits as their parents. For example, if the parent fears dogs or the water then so can the child, purely through observation. On the contrary allowing your kids to observe how you manage stress/anxiety/grief/panic etc. in your life is a fantastic way for them to learn first-hand. You could also include them in that process in things like…

– A relaxation or mediation practice
– By encouraging them to voice their concerns/fears/feelings/emotions
– Encouraging them to write down or draw (for younger children) how they feel and their thoughts.
– Having open communication between you and your kids
– Mindful colouring

Part of the stigma associated with mental health is breaking down the barriers and walls around feeling and displaying fears and emotions. Kids need to know that it is ok to fear certain things in life, express their emotions and know that they won’t last forever. Teaching them the tools they need at a young age is more than valuable to them during their adult years and future encounters.

Can my children trigger my own anxiety? If so how can I stop it?

Yes! Absolutely! I think our children have the potential to trigger our anxiety before they even enter the world! Ha!
As parents we do worry about them a lot and from what I hear… the worry doesn’t go away in a hurry. Great! All jokes aside we all need reminding that it is completely NORMAL to worry about our children, to feel anxious about their first day of school, when they start driving or going out. It’s normal. BUT you need to be aware of the signs and if you notice that you are no longer able to control those fears and worries OR they are controlling your day and life then that’s when you want to start doing something about it.

You want to start by identifying those fears and worries, often the thought process is the biggest culprit. I work a lot with my clients about understanding their Automatic Negative Thoughts (ANTS), learning to pin point them, understanding HOW to deal with them and not giving in to them all. I am constantly reminding people that they CAN answer them back! Also, a lot of what we ‘think’ is the reason for the anxiety, is not really the reason at all, so digging deep and working your way through what the underlying fears are is really helpful.

Often people experience more anxiety when they set unrealistic expectations for themselves. The idea of ‘Perfection’ is one of them. As a parent we only want the best for our kids, we want to make sure every decision we make is ‘perfect’ for them and us. This concept and idea creates some of the biggest reason for anxiety amongst parents! Just know that the decision you made or make at the time is the best decision you know in that moment without even questioning that. Practicing to trust yourself and your gut is something that YES takes practice, although overtime will become a lot easier and will become one of the most valuable tools for your own anxiety!

Being a parent comes with so many challenges, rewards and obstacles, so please, PLEASE cut yourself some slack and acknowledge that it’s ok and ABSOLUTLEY normal to experience some form of anxiousness during different stages of parenthood. This will take a load off your shoulders and reduce a lot of the anxiety in itself! Please reach out if you have any questions or concerns in regards to your anxiety or your children’s anxiety. Please know there is a lot of help and support out there and you don’t need to go through this alone.

I would love to hear your thoughts and experiences in regards to this topic, please comment below or feel free to email me at amanda@theanxietywellnessqueen.com
Much love!

Amanda xx